WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
