I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
