i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
