I can tuck mytits in my pants
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
