I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
