just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
