My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she peed on how many people?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
