oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
