he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
