I didn't shave. On purpose
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Your shirt... Was in my pants
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
