No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
