Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
