i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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