You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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