Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
