I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
