Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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