He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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