This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
