were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
