and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
