sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
