tell your sister to shave her snatch
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
