i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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