wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
