carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
