Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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