You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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