I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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