You smell like stripper and shame
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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