It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
