any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
In other news, I just burned my penis
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
