Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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