Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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