he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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