I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
