We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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