I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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