So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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