My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
