Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
