Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
