I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
