I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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