he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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