I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
