He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I understand Curling. That high.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
