they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
