I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
no, he came in my armpit
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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