can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
